Jimmy Kimmel’s first show after the reelection of former President Donald Trump started with Kimmel packing up his office. As he explained to sidekick Guillermo, he was probably on Trump’s enemies list and was going to get out of the country. Guillermo slapped him across the face and told him to buck up, that the country needed his voice more than ever.
As Kimmel realized that he should stay, Guillermo donned his sombrero and Kimmel asked him, “What’s with the suitcase?” Guillermo answered: “I’m going back to Mexico. Fuck this. You’re on your own, buddy!”
It was just a bit, Guillermo returned. After the pre-taped intro, Kimmel came back for his monologue, which he kept light, describing Election Night as “the worst Taco Tuesday of my whole life” and recounting how he and his wife gave their kids the chance to curse freely without consequence as they reacted to Trump’s victory.
He then described how friends, family, and coworkers texted him about their own feelings, which he noted, “a lot of them involved diarrhea. Diarrhea was at an all-time high in America yesterday.”
But even as he tried to keep things positive, Kimmel admitted that it was a “terrible night” and listed the reasons why, becoming emotional at some points:
Let’s be honest — it was a terrible night last night. It was a terrible night for women, for children, for the hundreds of thousands of hard-working who make this country go, for health care, for our climate, for science, for journalism, for justice, for free speech. It was a terrible night for poor people, for the middle class, for seniors who rely on Social Security, for our allies in Ukraine, for NATO, for the truth, and democracy and decency. And it was a terrible night for everyone who voted against him, and guess what? It was a terrible night for everyone who voted for him too, you just don’t realize it yet.
And most of all, it was an absolute disaster of a night for [Melania Trump].
But it was a really good night for [Vladimir Putin], and for polio, and for lovable billionaires like Elon Musk and the bros up in Silicon Valley, and all the wriggling brainworms who sold what was left of their souls to bow down to Donald Trump.
Kimmel also tried his best to find something positive to say and came up with this:
We’ve been through this once before, and yes, this time it is probably gonna be worse. Maybe a lot worse. But I also think that maybe we will look back and realize that in the long run, this is what we needed to wake us up. Maybe the people who care so much about him need to find out how little he cares about them.
Watch the full monologue via Jimmy Kimmel Live on YouTube.
