Listen: Bill Burr Goes on Hilarious Rant About His Love-Hate Relationship with Brunch

Bill Burr went on an incredible rant about his love-hate relationship with brunch and admits “it’s always fucking hot.”

During a recent episode of his show Monday Morning Podcast, the comedian lamented about taking his wife to brunch for Mother’s Day.

“You know what was fantastic was, my wife loves a brunch. She loves getting dressed up, going out to go see the people and everything like that,” Burr said.

“You know me, maybe you don’t know me. Maybe you think you know me. Maybe I’m just so fucking arrogant that I’m just going to say you know me. I’m not — I’m not into brunch,” Burr admitted. “You get dressed up. It’s hot out. You’re sweaty. There’s like, fucking, syrup and eggs. The whole thing is gross.”

He continued:

You wanna sit outside or inside? — Inside is going to be a seventeen hour wait. We can stick you directly in the sun in about six minutes.’ And then everybody in my life has pigment. They all look to me, cause they know I have a need to be liked and I go ‘It’s fine, it’s fine. I’ll put on my hat.’

So then I’m sitting there in a suit wearing a baseball hat so I look like the guy in Hollywood who just got a fresh pair of hair plugs and he’s waiting for them to grow in and he doesn’t have the confidence.

“We went to a brunch, we left and ended up going somewhere else where we could sit inside and it was fantastic,” Burr said. “That’s my thing about brunch, it’s like who doesn’t like breakfast? Who doesn’t love lunch? Who doesn’t love combining the two of them and just being a fat American?”

“What is the lunch part for, though? I guess it’s for the people that go there that already had breakfast,” he continued. “There’s always that person at the brunch, the one who got the workout in. Just did a 5k and they need some fucking carbs. And rather than just eating the carbs they have to show up with the fucking number still written on their arm, from their 5k in the grease pencil.”

He concluded his epic rant:

I was talking to my lovely wife and I think she’s finally coming around to understanding why I don’t like coming to brunches. I’m trying to remember the last brunch I went to where it wasn’t ridiculously hot.

It’s just always fucking hot. And you always end up outside. I just don’t want to eat breakfast in the blazing sun. Does that make me anti-social? I don’t think it does! It somehow always gets framed that way.

Listen above via Monday Morning Podcast.