Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah, Jimmy Fallon Shocked By Trump’s Post Office Bombshell: ‘You’re Not Supposed to Say the Cheating Part Out Loud’

Late-night hosts Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah, and Jimmy Fallon were all shocked by President Donald Trump’s revelation that he is planning to halt funding for the United States Post Office in order to prevent universal mail-in voting — comparing him to a movie villain who revealed his plan.

“Trump despises mail-in voting and just regular voting too because he’s way behind in the polls and he knows that due to the pandemic, tens of millions of us will have to vote by mail,” Colbert said. “So after three years of damaging everything from international relationships to ethical norms, to the Department of Justice, Trump’s going after something that people actually care about. He’s destroying the post office.”

The host joked that the president is turning himself into a villain from a children’s book, especially considering the USPS is the most favorable government agency in the nation — guessing that next, he’s going to build a laser to annihilate Halloween or ban roller skating.

“Now to help kill the post office, Trump installed a new postmaster general, one of his big donors in fact,” Colbert added. “North Carolina business guy and man looking on as you take a bite of the dip you bought, Louis DeJoy.”

He pointed out that since DeJoy has taken over, he’s made cuts to the budget, deactivated sorting machines, banned over time, and halted late mail delivery, which results in backlogs and delays in delivery.

“Well it’s right there in their motto,” Colbert joked. “Neither snow nor rain no heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers … Unless their new boss is a total dick. In which case, we’re screwed.”

He then addressed Trump’s revelation that he is withholding funds from the post office in order to limit mail-in voting for the 2020 election. Trump repeated himself during his briefing last night — claiming that he wanted to halt universal mail-in voting.

“You’re not supposed to say the cheating part out loud!” Colbert quipped before mimicking a phone call gone wrong: “Honey, I’ve got to work late tonight, I’ve got a very important sex project and we’re meeting about it in someone else’s crotch.”

“Establishing post offices is in the Constitution. Congress needs to stand firm and protect the United States Postal Service with the same fervor the right uses to defend guns,” he added. “What I am saying is you can have my sister-in-law’s Christmas newsletter when you pry it from my cold dead hands.”

Noah was also shocked by Trump’s casually blatant reveal that he is halting funding for the USPS to prevent universal mail-in voting.

The host warned that “rigged elections” are not something that only happens overseas, adding, “it’s already starting to rear its ugly head right here.”

“I’ve never seen a villain give away a plan like that without seeing James Bond tied to a chair in front of him,” Noah said of Trump’s revelation on Fox Business. “Trump got impeached for trying to secretly rig the election and his response is to go, ‘I learned my lesson. I won’t rig an election in secret ever again.’”

“And the truth is, this effort to sabotage mail-in voting is a real threat to America’s election,” added the host. “If Trump gets his way, they’re going to have to change all the ‘I voted’ stickers to end in a question mark — ‘I voted?’”

Fallon played the clip of Trump’s Fox Business interview and was just as baffled by Trump’s confession as Colbert and Noah, also referring to him as a movie villain.

“OK, he just admitted that he’s not agreeing to a deal to fund the Postal Service because he doesn’t want mail-in voting to be possible for the election,” Fallon said. “Trump’s like one of those movie villains who spends so much time explaining his plan out loud that the good guy manages to shimmy out of his handcuffs.”

“Postal workers were like, ‘How much less funding can you give us? We don’t even have pants!’” Fallon joked. “Nobody is happy about this. Millions of Americans wrote Trump angry letters about it, but he was like, ‘Weird, I didn’t get anything.’”

Watch above, via YouTube.